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Marriage When the Groom is Agun (not divorced from his former wife) - continued
Question
Hoping I could help a friend, I have found myself in the midst of a complicated situation where many questions have still to be answered in a sincere manner. Yesterday afternoon, I did speak to a Rabbi and we concluded that the best I could do would be to gently help my friend face the reality of her situation: the man she is planning to marry has not really actively sought a solution to his previous marriage; basically he has left it up to her to find a way and a person to celebrate a marriage because she is the anxious party due to her pregnancy. Her desperation touched me and for this reason I did not initially think this out completely. I have invited her to my home during this week to try to help her sort things out. Her pain is obvious but it is best that she face reality now than later on.
The only question I would still like to ask you is: if the previous wife does not want to give the divorce or if she is requesting a certain amount of money to give the divorce, what can be done? In other words: if for some reason the first wife wants to make her husband's life "difficult" is there a religious way to solve this situation? Who takes the initiative: the husband, a Rabbi, a Rabbinical council?
Answer
I am glad you consulted with a Rabbi. Sometimes, wanting to help people can put yourself and them into even greater difficulties. If the man married in Israel and never divorced his wife, he does not even have a civil divorce. Therefore it is against civil law to marry them. I do not think you should open yourself up to such complicated circumstances.
About your last question, at the outset, one should contact the first wife and discuss the problem with her and try to convince her that it is in her interest to accept the get. The man with your help or a Rabbi's help should contact a rabbinical court in your area and ask for their help. The court usually sends somebody to speak to the woman wherever she is. If this fails, as I already wrote to you, there is a way to free the man by granting him the permission to marry a second wife, which is possible because biblically a man is not forbidden to have several wives since the enactment against polygamy dates only from the middle ages. However the signature of one hundred rabbis is required in order for this permission to be granted. Moreover, as I said before, absent a civil divorce, remarriage could be a violation of state law. There are methods within Judaism , to dissolve the marriage bond when one of the partners is recalcitrant. Unfortunately those methods even if sound according to Halakha, are rarely used or even recognized by Orthodox rabbinical courts. If you do not find relief from the Orthodox rabbinical courts, you should look for a Conservative Rabbinical court which could help by voiding or annulling the first marriage. Perhaps you should already begin contacting some Conservative Rabbis and seek their advice. What you should explain to your friend is that her future child is perfectly kosher., It would be an entirely different matter if she was an Aguna (bounded to a previous marriage) because then her child could be mamzer (bastard) since according to the bible a woman is forbidden from having more than one husband. But in this case she should not be under such pressure, unless of course this situation reveals something to her that is not so pleasant about her future (?) husband.
Keep me updated
Rabbi Monique Susskind Goldberg
November 2006
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