Convert w/ Irish Catholic last name...help!!

Question

Dear Rabbi,

After several years of study, I converted to Judaism with a Conservative Rabbi. HOWEVER, I have that non-Jewish last name, which subjects me to streams of questions, ie: "Are you a convert," or "you converted didn't you," or "with that last name we know your father isn't Jewish"....and so on. Also, those that know I have converted, insist on telling every other person that I am a convert, and people have even introduced me as a convert...eeeek...I feel like I'll never really be accepted. I have considered picking up and moving, changing my name, and starting over....what can you suggest? I was recently in Israel, and none of the Israelis every questioned my last name. Is this just some weird American thing? My Rabbis have both told me it's completely unacceptable to announce or bring attention to a convert. I recently heard a wonderful man speak, an Israeli, Avraham Infeld, and he said that a convert is actually someone that converts out of Judaism. And someone coming into Judaism is joining the family. And as you would not remind a child that he/she is adopted, it's not acceptable to remind a convert that they are a convert.

How can I deal with these people that insist on pinning me down on my authenticity?

Thank you!

Answer

Dear Friend,

I am really sorry you are subjected to such insensitive behaviour on the part of your new "brothers and sisters". As your Rabbis told you, it is absolutely forbidden by Jewish Law to remind a convert about his/her past, although I personally feel that you should be proud of your accomplishments and I am sure that after those years of learning you know more than some of those people who are making you feel uncomfortable. Also, I know some people with really Jewish sounding names, who are not Jewish at all. And yet, I realize that all these realities do not solve your problem. So if you are really disturbed by the situation, maybe you should change your name, but that will not solve the problem of people presenting you as a convert. To them I would speak frankly about your hurt and discomfort. Maybe they are not aware of the damage they are causing.

I hope I have helped a little.

Rabbi Monique Susskind Goldberg