Conversion: a Painful Story

Question

Dear Rabbi,

I am Dutch and have a really complicated Conversion story. I grew up believing that I was Jewish, since this was what my mother told us. Almost 2 years ago, I commenced genealogical research into our family background because I wanted to join a Liberal shul in Holland, which demanded proof of Jewish status. At that point, I was already living a relatively observant life (In late 2001, I established contact with a progressive Jewish community in Amsterdam and have been religiously involved since than).. I was Jewishly connected and had acquired some knowledge, celebrated all the holidays and was maintaining a reasonable level of observance (although I wouldn't quite say it was Halachic). When I started researching my background in late 2003, I discovered that there was no proof of Jewishness. I felt heartbroken: this is the identity that I grew up with all my life.
Because I was due to travel for a number of months to the USA for research purposes, I decided to seek conversion in the USA. When I met with the Beit Din, they were very impressed with me, and very sweet and supportive and I was converted. Rabbi Lerner, in good judgment, determined that even though a year-long process is usually the norm, given my background, level of knowledge and observance, my 3 month time span with him in New York and that community, would suffice. The other Beit Din members seemed to agree..When I returned to Holland, I was excited to join a new Masorti community there, and they didn't seem to object to the relative shortness of the Giyur process itself. What mattered is that I had converted according to Halacha. They accepted me as a member of their congregation.
Meanwhile, I was active in the Jewish community. I was involved with "my" old synagogue, Beit ha'Chidush, and became a board-member. I also belonged to the Masorti community. However, I craved something more. Although I am very appreciative of everything Beit ha'Chidush had come to mean to me, I felt that it was not traditional enough in terms of services and ritual observance. I also felt that Masorti failed to meet my needs for an egalitarian community. Although I still remain involved with both communities, I decided that I wanted to join the LJG/Liberals because they offer the best learning opportunities and infrastructure of all non-Orthodox groups in Holland..
When I met one of their rabbis in December and told him my whole tale, including conversion, he said that LJG/Liberals would never accept my conversion because it had been done abroad (and thus not under their jurisdiction) and was "too short", even though it is a Conservative conversion, done in accordance with Halacha!... I have had several meetings with the Liberal rabbis and although over half a year has passed, they STILL haven't given me an answer concerning the validity of my Giyyur.. The rabbis have done all they can to keep me pending and afloat in uncertainty. They keep on stalling in giving me an answer-- too afraid to reject me, and too afraid to accept me.. I strive to be Shomeret Mitswot. And yet, I cannot get married or buried Jewishly in my own country. I am isolated. The LJG/Liberals have a monopoly on those facilities. As it stands now, my boyfriend and I, who are both committed Jews (he is not quite as observant as I am, but is increasing his observance) cannot have a chuppah here in Holland.

Answer

I am very sorry about what you are going through in the Liberal movement in Holland. But on the other hand you are blessed to have found not one but two communities where you are fully accepted. My advice is for you to make the best of what you have. If the Conservative synagogue is not yet egalitarian, it may become so in the future. That is the trend. And by being an active member, you may help the change to occur. If you wish, we can advise you on some material about women's role in the synagogue, and perhaps you can suggest that the Rabbi hold study sessions on those issues.

Rabbi Monique Susskind Goldberg
June 2005